Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize
