All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
