The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
