Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
my shit smells like andre
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
