This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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