I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
