last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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