I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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