We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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