WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
