her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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