Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
