You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
