Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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