i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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