I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You pole danced in your parka.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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