The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
