there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
