Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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