just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
as a side note pls kill me
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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