Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
