I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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