Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
