I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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