It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
handjob tips. give me some.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
