every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
