i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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