Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
