you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She needs sedatives and a leash
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
