Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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