Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
