1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i jhust puked up my retainher.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
