someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
But theres a keg here and me gusta
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize