guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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