How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
