omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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