It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
