if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
