he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
