Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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