Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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