he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
