im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
