at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
