what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
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