i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
