then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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