somebody snuck up and got me drunk
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
