Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
