I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize