We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize