I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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