at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
