I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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