i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
