i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
okay pat passed out under dana's car
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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