walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize