I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
