They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
