I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
