the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Welp...herpes.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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