she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
