The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
