def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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