ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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