dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
