He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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