Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize