dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
she pinky promised me she was 18
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
