Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just threw up on my dentist
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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