well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
