She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
