You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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