dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
