I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
