Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
