so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
