So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
