seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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