I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
