Can i not drive my cunt home
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
