This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
is wine microwaveable?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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