soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
