Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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