Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
