im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
