Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
