I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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