Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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